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THE REASON FOR THIS POST: I recently attended a church conference which culminated in a Hierarchical Divine Liturgy. While attending this Liturgy, I watched two types of kids. One type were the ones who clearly attended church regularly and were, while still kids, well-behaved. I consider a child well-behaved when he is correctable and he follows instruction from his parents. They other type were the kids who were not used to sitting in church for so long. They whined and begged, wanted crackers and juices, and refused to be quiet or stay put.

This made me think. Parents, you may love the Church, but your kids who are unused to being in the Divine Liturgy the whole time are ratting you out! You are responsible for the forming of your child’s soul. You have to get this right.

1. Let’s learn PATIENCE and FOREBEARANCE

Orthodox Christians are expected to fast before taking Communion. Some folks have to take medications before church, so they can have water and what they need to do that, but as a general rule, we are not supposed to eat anything at all before Communion (choir members sometime sneak a sip of water bottle to keep their pipes from squeaking). This is called “The Eucharistic Fast” and it involves total abstinence from any food or drink in the morning prior to receiving the Eucharist. As with all fasting, this is a SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE and it has many merits. One of these is the simple control of bodily passions. It is not too much to avoid your morning coffee before church, and to endeavor to abstain from all food and drink before the Eucharist. WHY? Because the Eucharist is the most important thing you can do for the week.

Little kids are members of the church too, and they need to follow the same rules. I found that at about 3 years old, my kids understood that food and drink were both on the way “after we take Communion and get our bread!” I figured that if my child is old enough to ask for a Sunday McDonald’s visit, then he is old enough to miss breakfast before church (he would get McDonalds only if he behaved!). In fact, if the whole family follows this rule, your child might find more satisfaction in being included in this than by being treated like a baby.

2. Let’s learn RESPECT and CONSIDERATION OF OTHERS

Being quiet in church is a learned behavior. Children who never have “quiet time” or who are never made to play quietly in their own space can almost never make it through a Divine Liturgy without several melt-downs. Train your child how to be quiet at home before you bring him to church. I found that a daily quiet time, even for only an hour (and I used a kitchen timer!) helped a LOT. Everyone goes to his/her own room, and MUST sit on the bed, or beanbag. Once settled, approved activities include reading, coloring, or playing quietly with action figures/Barbies IN THAT SPACE only. Bathroom time is always allowed, but wondering the house and other infractions to this rule simply cause the timer to be reset, leading to an even longer quiet time. There are no electronics allowed, and no sneaking into someone else’s room to start up a play session. If you can do this, not only will your child learn that he does NOT NEED constant stimulation and play time, but quiet time encourages a child to use his imagination, and to pause the crazy. My kids hated it at first, but later told me they liked “THEIR TIME.” Christians understand that stillness helps us direct our hearts to God in prayer. The world reject stillness for this very reason. Teaching stillness is vital to your child’s spiritual well-being and growth.

3. Let’s learn PIETY and to HONOR THAT WHICH IS HONORABLE

Put your child in serious clothes for church. Play clothes are for play, pajamas are for sleep, and church clothes are for church. Shorts are for the park (and for babies). If you have a problem with your child taking church seriously, this is one of the easiest things to fix. While it is absolutely true that “God doesn’t care what I wear,” there is no place in the Bible where entering the Temple was treated in the same way as entering the theater or workplace. Holy things are set apart, and church is certainly a holy place to be. With this said, we do look the other way when those who are without the means appear in ragged jeans and flip-flops, or when a baggy-eyed surgeon steps into Liturgy in his scrubs, but let’s face it, these examples are a lot different than the groggy teen who fell out of bed and threw on last night’s DND game night outfit. Teaching your child that there are times that we must be respectful is a very important lesson. If you teach your child that it’s rude to burp at the table, or to yell rude words to people in a restaurant, teach him also to be respectful in God’s house. Set it apart.

4. Let’s learn FAITHFULNESS

Be at church on time. It is disrespectful to miss the Divine Liturgy almost altogether and run up to receive Communion. If you have missed the readings, the Gospel, the homily and all the prayers, how can you possibly be prepared for Communion at all? Being faithful means being present. If your child makes you late every Sunday, get her up earlier so as to have more wiggle room in the schedule. A child that has to go to bed an hour earlier on Saturday night will learn that getting up on Sunday is a priority. For teens that drive, make missing church the reason the car keys are not available on Sunday for the party man who chose to sleep in instead of going to church.

SO, HOW DO MY KIDS “RAT ME OUT”?

IF YOU….

1. Never teach your child to fast before church so he can say “I’m hungry!” and “How much longer?” all through the Divine Liturgy.
2. Never teach your child to be still and quiet, so he will never take seriously the prayer and healing that can only happen in the Liturgy in the stillness before God.
3. Never teach your child that church is different than regular playtime, so it can just be a place that we need to leave as soon as the donuts are out.
4. Never get up in time for church and come running in late, so your child realizes that church isn’t AS IMPORTANT as catching the school bus, making it to the doctor, or being at work on time.

RAISE THEM IN THE HOUSE OF GOD.

DO NOT LET THE WORLD TELL YOU THAT CHILDREN CANNOT BE FORMED INTO THE LIKENESS OF GOD.